he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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