Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
