i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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