were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize