I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
