I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
