Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
