When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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