Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
