I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
