I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
