I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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