oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
