i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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