Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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