they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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