I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i've created a new STD.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
