My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
