I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
