i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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