who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
