Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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