yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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