he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
