Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
