Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
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He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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