Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
