woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
