So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
