i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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