I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
