: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
