i was born a porn star she said
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
