Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
