I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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