So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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