Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
