I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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