I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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