I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
