nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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