The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
