I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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