Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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