8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
