Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
