we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
