I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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