My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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