hotel room ftw
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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