i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
