I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
