Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
