Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
