someone owes me an orgasm
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
