I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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