im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
