and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was born a porn star she said
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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