i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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