There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
