Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
