Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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