FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
