When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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