Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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