I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Terrible idea I love it
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
