Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize